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Receiving feedback is never easy. No matter how constructive, it often feels personal—a reflection of how others see us, which may not align with how we see ourselves. It’s natural to feel defensive, frustrated, or even a little discouraged. While those emotions are valid, dwelling on them won’t help you grow. What matters is what happens next—how we reframe our perspective and take action toward growth.
At Menlo, our version of performance reviews is called Prosperity. Unlike traditional reviews, Prosperity is a team-driven evaluation process where colleagues who work closest with you come together to share stories—both about your strengths, and areas where you can improve. This feedback isn’t just about professional development however; it also determines whether you receive a pay increase, adding an extra layer of pressure.
This process spans two lunch hours: the first day is for story-sharing, and the second is for synthesizing insights and creating a slide deck outlining key takeaways, action items, and the final promotion decision. The feedback from the slide deck is then walked through and the final result is shared with the person being evaluated, giving them a clear picture of their progress and areas for growth. Given our culture of regular feedback, the team’s feedback generally aligns well with the self-reflection that needs to be given to the Prosperity team before the process begins.
With my own Prosperity approaching, I braced myself. I wanted to be ready to receive feedback—both the affirming and the difficult parts. To prepare, I reflected on my contributions and collected stories of growth. These include moments when I coached a peer, navigated tough conversations, encouraged self-advocacy, collaborated with client developers, and deepened my involvement in the business. I included these stories in my self-reflection, knowing that self-awareness was just as important as external feedback. Self-reflection is a crucial part of the Prosperity process and is something every individual is expected to prepare ahead of time. This is the time to highlight key achievements and share personal insights that might not otherwise come up in the group discussion. By proactively bringing up interesting stories or specific challenges overcome, individuals can help shape the narrative of their growth and contributions.
Day one of my Prosperity came and went. Then day two. Finally, I sat down with two team members to review the feedback deck and hear their decision. Some of the feedback resonated immediately. For example, I was advised to be more proactive in initiating feedback conversations and to do so more frequently. Other parts, however, felt vague and harder to act on—like the suggestion to "show the team that I can come up with solutions for complex card work." How could I prove my ability to tackle complex problems when the complexity of work assigned to me wasn’t in my control?
But then I took a step back. While I couldn’t always choose the complexity of the cards I worked on, I realized that problem-solving itself was a daily part of my role as a software developer. There was always an opportunity to refine my approach, even within smaller tasks. So, I came up with a plan.
At Menlo, we pair-program all day, every day. Sometimes you work with someone more experienced, sometimes you are the more experienced one. I suggested to my partner that, whenever we pick up a new card, we would each take a little time to come up with our own solution paths before discussing them together. This ensured that we both had the opportunity to think critically before being influenced by each other’s perspectives. It also created space to practice explaining our thought processes and using diagrams to convey our ideas.
My partner loved the idea, and we started implementing it right away. While I couldn’t control the complexity of the work I was assigned, I could control how I approached problem-solving. And that was the key insight—feedback isn’t always about what’s handed to us, but about how we interpret it and respond. When feedback feels frustrating or out of reach, sometimes the best way forward is to find a way to embrace less intuitive perspectives, and take ownership of our growth, even in small ways.
Receiving feedback will never be easy, and that’s okay. It’s normal to feel unsure or even resistant at first. The difference between stagnation and growth is not getting stuck in those feelings. Instead, we can step back, reframe the challenge, and ask: What is within my control? Because in the end, growth isn’t about waiting for the perfect opportunity—it’s about making the most of the ones we already have.